Sarah vs. IT

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I am super tired of passwords.

It seems like I am required to change my password for my e-mail, the budgeting software, the time entering system, etc?every other week. And I am forever scrambling to come up with a new password. I try to trick the system and use some variant of my previous password, but these systems keep telling me my passwords are unacceptable.

So, a couple of months ago, my office had to fill out this questionnaire with some 30+ security questions. In the event we are locked out of the systems, we call the IT help desk, and they run through some battery of these security questions. The trick is you have to remember how you answered the questions. And there in lies my problem.

I was doing a bit too much multitasking and typed in my password incorrectly three times and promptly locked myself out of the budget software. So I dialed up the help desk to receive…help. As in unlock me so I can get in and do my job.

Help Desk: This is the help desk, how can I help you?

Me: I am locked out.

Help Desk: Locked out of what?

Me: I do not know what it is called ? whatever it is that I use to do budget stuff!

Help Desk: CICS?

Me: Umm…sure!

Help Desk: Okay, computing ID?

Me: SGATS1

Help Desk: Okay, Sarah, I need you to answer some security questions for me.

Me: … (inside I am saying, ‘oh no’)

Help Desk: What is the name of the first street you lived on?

Me: What?? You have to be kidding me. Where did you get this question? Did you just make that up to be mean?

Help Desk: No. From you, Sarah. You were the one who filled out the questionnaire. You wrote these answers.

Me: …

Help Desk: Okay, let’s try this. What was your favorite subject in elementary school?

Me: …

Help Desk: Sarah?

Me: I?m thinking! What possessed me to use these questions? Why did I think I would know the answers? I can barely remember my own address. Sometime I use my wrong last name! Can’t you throw me a softball, like, what is my birth date?

Help Desk: No. Now let’s try another. What car do you drive?

Me: Yes! I know this one – Ford! Ford!! Now, am I unlocked???

Help Desk: No, I have to ask you another question.

Me: …

Help Desk: What was your first car?

Me: Hurray! That is the same as my other answer – still the Ford!!! Ding, ding, ding! Now am I unlocked?

Help Desk: Yes. Here is your temporary password. I suggest you redo these security questions.

Me: …

Feeling Hot, Hot, Hot

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Today is part two of The Budget Office: Inferno Edition.

When I got to work yesterday, I was convinced I had the swine flu. I am usually super chilly in my office no matter the conditions outside. I have a blue fleece blanket I wear like a cape, and I drink hot tea all day long because it is usually like an ice box in here. In fact, I am contemplating purchasing a Snuggie, so I can keep warm and type at the same time.

But yesterday I thought I had to have the swine flu because I was getting so overheated I was experiencing all of the “symptoms” like nausea and lack of breathing ability (I know the symptoms because I received several helpful e-mails from colleagues about the swine flu.)

However, I soon realized everyone else in my office was also sporting scarlet red cheeks and a dewy, sweaty appearance. And we were all scavenging for office supplies to use as fans.

Then, we were notified that something called a “chiller” was out all weekend and slow to start up today, hence the extreme heat.

And yesterday afternoon, we planned to decorate the office of a colleague who was turning 40. Someone had the bright idea for us to blow up some 200+ balloons. This proved to be a bad idea given we were already suffering from lack of oxygen and then preceded to blow all of our hot air into latex balloons. To add insult to injury, these were super cheep balloons, so the blue and orange dye rubbed off onto my hands, so I truly did look like I contracted some sort of disease. Those were nasty balloons. I spent the rest of the evening with my mouth tasting like latex gloves.

So yesterday was not a good day. I am hoping the “chiller” decides to work it cooling magic today. Otherwise, it is looking like today will be The Budget Office: The Mutiny Edition.

Thumbs Up for Chocolate Desserts

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For our summer kick off party, I decided to try to make replicas of the chocolate Hostess cupcakes. I even bought a special tip to inject cream filling into the cupcakes so they would be truly authentic.

I found a Martha Stewart recipe that said it would make 12 cupcakes. Since I wanted to make 24, I doubled it. Well, I should have noted that the recipe said it make 12 jumbo cupcakes because after I loaded up my 24 muffin tins, I noted I had tons of extra batter.

So, I decided to be inventive, and I used two 9 inch round pans to make a cake, which I turned into a giant Hostess Cupcake replica.

While my cupcakes and cake cooled, I made the marshmallow cream. That was pretty simple because I used the pre-made marshmallow fluff. I filled a pastry bag with the cream mixture, and when I went to fill my first cupcake, I squeezed the bag and the tip popped out and a big blob of filling oozed out and onto the cupcake. So, that was a minor catastrophe. I managed to salvage the filled by putting the bag into another pastry bag and making sure I cut a smaller opening for the tip so it would not pop out.

After that disaster was adverted, I filled the rest of the cupcakes, which went pretty smoothly. Since I have never made filled cupcakes, I was not entirely sure how much to squeeze. So, I just kept going until I saw the top of the cupcake start to puff up.

Then I made a chocolate ganache for the tops of the cupcakes and a chocolate frosting for the cake. At this point, I just about pass out from inhaling so much chocolate and sugar. But, I forged on and iced the cupcakes and the cake.

Then, I changed tips and piped the signature Hostess swirl on top of the cupcakes and cake. I think they turned out pretty good :-)

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Life Lessons, Part II

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Oftentimes at work I find myself volunteered or volunteering myself for various departmental activities, such as reading to elementary school students or signing up to help out at a community budget meeting.

The other day, I volunteered myself to help out with a youth leadership program. High school seniors apply to be a part of this program, which seeks to teach these teens about their local government and perhaps stimulate an interest in being part of government.

So, the lesson the other day was about poverty, and to demonstrate what a low-income family might experience for a month, my colleagues and I volunteered to help with a poverty simulation.

Each of my colleagues represented some aspect of social services or community partner, such as the Department of Family Services, Interfaith Services, the local super store, the utility company, public safety, etc… We even had one of my colleagues as the “illegal activities” person ;-)

The teens each broke into families and were supplied with information on their family’s situation, e.g. a single mom with three kids, grandparents raising grandchildren, families with a member on disability, etc…

They had to make it through four 15-minute weeks without getting evicted from their homes, loosing their job, or getting their utilities shut off. Also, they had to eat each week and make sure their kids went to school.

To accomplish these goals, they had to visit each of the social service areas to apply for benefits and/or jobs, pay their bills, and shop.

I was interested in how they would navigate the web of social services, and I was surprised by their choices.

First, many of them did not have enough money to pay for their mortgage or utilities, but they did have assets like car titles, jewelry, and appliances. So, they decided to sell these assets at pawn shop rather than apply for TANF or welfare. This baffled me because instead of trying to get assistance, they thought that selling their wares would provide them with more cash. They were sadly mistaken as they had an inflated sense of what their items were worth. I began to realize why no one came to the Department of Family Services (I was the receptionist) when a bewildered girl plopped into the chair in front of me and said “Social Services…hmm…what do you do here? Can you get me a better job?” It seems many did not even know they could apply for benefits.

Also, many of them decided to pay their utilities rather than their mortgage. I am not sure why they decided to make sure their fake home had electricity rather than making sure they could actually live in the home. What good do lights do if you are evicted?

Probably the funniest incident happened when the students went to pay for their utilities and did not ask for a receipt. So, my hilariously swindling colleague playing the collector at the “Friendly Utility Company,” kept charging them twice, saying that he never received their payment. The most shocking thing was even when he swindled them twice, they still did not ask for a receipt.

And, our “illegal activities” person stole money, car titles, appliances, pretty much anything left on their chairs in their fake homes as the students went about various activities. Even when some were robbed more than once, they still did not take any care about keeping track of their stuff. Some groups did not even know the “illegal activities” person stole something from them. They were pretty mad when they found out.

The point was to show the students how stressful life could be – trying to manage their kids and/or a disabled grandparent or spouse while trying to pay your bills and keep food on the table. Some groups did better than others, but the stress was definitely evident on their faces. And while this was a poverty simulation, I think the lessons learned are valuable for any family, really. Their comments at the end about how they did not understand what TANF meant or what social services they could receive or how to budget to eat and pay bills spoke to just how difficult it can be to manage in real life, much less in poverty.

While not a perfect simulation, I still thought it provided some valuable lessons and interesting observations about the teens. And perhaps even proves why some Real Life Lessons should be taught in high school along with biology and math and English.

Where Can I Take Real Life Lessons?

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I learned a lot of pretty useful things in school, like how to read and add. However, being a twenty-something has shown me that my schooling left out a lot of important stuff. Like, Real Life Lessons. Like how to argue with your credit card company and dispute charges. And how to how handle frustrating colleagues. And how to navigate health insurance.

So, here is a sampling of things I wish I knew.

Things I Wish I Knew Before Becoming a 20-Something:

1. You can prepare all you want for big life events like getting married and changing jobs, but when life hits you, usually right in the face, things are not quite as you expected.

2. It is probably a good idea to learn to cook. When I lived with my parents, I showed absolutely no interest in cooking. So, that is why I do not know how to use a broiler or how to chop anything. If you simply cannot cook, make sure to find a spouse (like mine ? so lucky!) who will.

3. Do not sweat the small stuff, mostly because everything I obsessed about never actually happened. So, that was a big waste of energy.

4. Understand that my mom was/is right. Yep. Right. About pretty much everything. At least she does not say “I told you so.”

5. When washing new dark denim jeans, it is so worth it to wash them separately the first time. Unless you want to stain the rest of your clothes blue.

6. Life’s rough, get a helmet. Lots of things are unfair. And it seems that no amount of crying has changed my situation.

7. Parchment paper and wax paper are VERY different. One can go in the oven and one cannot. One starts fires and one allows me to lift cookies off the cookie sheet with ease. I wish I could remember which one was which…

8. Learn to know the difference between something worth fighting for and something worth letting go. Fight with the credit card company? Yes. Fight about trash duty? Not so much.

9. One can have everything one wants – just not all at the same time. This is an important lesson to learn when shopping at JCrew.

10. Good advice from Dad: Do not push the panic button.

Any other things you wish you knew?

The Sailing Adventurers Club

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On Saturday, Dad, Dan, and I took my Dad?s boat, The Mistress (yes, she came with that name), out for her first sail of the season.
For those of you following along at home, each voyage with The Mistress ends up in a combination of several ways: someone having to jump into the Potomac, the motor refusing to go into gear, and/or pieces of The Mistress breaking off and falling into the water.

My Dad bought The Mistress about a year ago, and she must be older than me. Which means all of her parts are also quite old, by boat standards.

Even though she proved “challenging,” last season my Dad, Dan, my Mom, and Megan dutifully took trekked out to The Mistress almost every weekend for another round of Adventure Sailing. I liked to hum the Gilligan’s Island theme song before these adventures because I could pretty much guarantee we would find ourselves in some sort of calamity in the middle of the Potomac.

On our maiden voyage with The Mistress (please note: there was some contention about whether The Mistress could truly have a “maiden” voyage), we managed to get out of the slip without knocking into any other boats, make our way onto the river, and catch a good wind with our sails. We thought we were naturals. We thought we had to be the best sailors on that river. We thought we made ourselves a good crew. We thought wrong.

I realized we came upon a sandbar when I was pretty sure we were not moving. Yup. Definitely not moving. So we tried to use the motor to propel us off of the bar. And it would not go into gear. So we got out the oars and tried to push ourselves off of the boat. And this did not work. So we tried the motor again. And we tried the oars again. And no dice.

So, we realized, we pretty much needed to jump into the Potomac and push The Mistress off of the sand bar. About the time my Dad and Dan were taking off their shoes and shirts in preparation for a dip into the Potomac, I realized that not very far from where we were stuck, people were arriving for a wedding that was going to be taking place on the grassy area of the sailing club next to the water. And these people had a front row seat to our sideshow. And I felt real bad about potential pictures of people taken in front of the water which would be framed with two guys pushing a boat and two girls hanging off over the edge of the boat with oars.

We did finally make it off of the sandbar, and that is why we always wear bathing suits when we go on the boat.

Another time, we invited our friends Matt and Marie to go sailing with us. I warned them about potential emergencies requiring jumping into the Potomac, so they came prepared in waterproof clothing. They knew about The Mistress’ previous “issues,” but they agreed to come anyway. We made it out of the slip and onto the water, and when we were just about to breathe a sigh of relief, I noticed something floating in the water – and then the boat did not want to steer. And then we realized the rudder fell off. The rudder is a pretty key part of the boat as it is the main steering mechanism. So this presented a big problem.

We had to use the motor to steer, which is also pretty challenging since it would not go into gear (is anyone else sensing a recurring theme?). After getting out the trusty took kit, we managed to get the motor to go into gear and guide us back to the marina, completely rudderless.

The day of my bridal shower, the boys went out on the boat with my Dad, and when they came back they told us the sails started to rip. So that had to use duct tape to keep them from ripping apart.

So, basically anytime anyone used The Mistress, that tempest of the seas brought about some sort of disastrous situation requiring the use of tools, duct tape, and extreme ingenuity. She was so full of surprises.

This season, however, my Dad purchased a new motor and rudder and had the sails repaired. As we eased out of the slip this weekend, I tried to anticipate what The Mistress would have up her sails this time. But, most surprisingly, it was the most uneventful sail we have ever experienced. Nothing fell off. Nothing broke. The motor did not fail and we did not even need to get the tools out.

I sort of felt that The Mistress gyped me. She is forever a source of harrowing tales at sea, and this time she did not try to kill or embarrass us in front of our fellow sailors. Sailing on The Mistress was almost?peaceful?like we originally intended our sails to be.

But now we are so used to the drama, I am not sure we can sail like that. So, I suggested we all wear matching t-shirts and “pretend” to be pirates from the far land of…Fairfax County…Yo ho ho ;-)

Adventures in Printing

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One of the most frustrating things I have to do at work is print.

I hold my breathe every time I print because something usually goes wrong. As I casually waltz over to the printer I share with 20 other people, I do not want anyone to see me if I am the one to jam the printer.

I know other people at my office also get into tuffles with the printer because a few months ago someone in a real bad mood took it out on the printer and broke off some important piece that allows the paper drawer to shut. After that, we all got lectured at a staff meeting about being gentle with the HP because he and his parts are delicate. And cost money.

My printer/copier jamming days started at college when I worked at the Cavalier Daily, and by default I got stuck with unjamming the copier. About every hour the darn thing jammed, and I dutifully tried to unblock the machine. My favorite part was how it tried to give me helpful instructions like “open the door” and “remove jammed paper.” Duh.

The worst day was when the copier told me to unblock Area 4. I had no idea what Area 4 could possibly be, but I found out when I opened the big front door and found a host of areas and switches when numbers. One said 4, so I assumed that was Area 4. I was correct, but what copier forget to tell me was that Area 4 was burning hot. That’s right. So hot I burned my fingers when I opened Area 4 trying to dislodge paper. So, I never wanted to deal with copier again, so I handed off the job to my now husband who also worked with my at the paper. And so began my tech support for life.

Most unfortunately, Dan is not at work with me to hold my hand while I try to “fix” things on my computer or printer. And I truly wished he was on Friday when I had to deal with Color Printer.

I do not like Color Printer because he is big and scary and lives in his own room on the other side of the office. And color is bad because it costs money and when you work for a local government budget office, you do not want to print pretty much anything, much less in color. However, I had to print to Color Printer because the Director of my department needed 50 copies of a spreadsheet in color.

So I took a deep breathe and pressed print, and I figured it would be okay because I printed one copy of said spreadsheet to this printer Thursday. So, I thought it was loaded with the 11×17 paper and ready to go.

I was sorely mistaken.

When I got to the Color Printer Room, it did not have any paper in its tray. None. And it was blinking red. Well, I thought it would be okay because I could just load the paper in, say a quick prayer, and try again.

And I did just that, and Color Printer was still mad. Only this time his display told me something really mindbloggling — “this paper is unexpected, this paper is unexpected, this paper is unexpected.” Over and over again.

What does he mean “unexpected?” I do not expect a lot of things in this office. It does not mean I sit in my cube turning red and refusing to do anything because I did not expect it. No! I practice, “flexible rigidity” like my pal Laura who works at the Newseum told me. Geeze, printer, now expect a different size paper. News flash — you are a MACHINE! Ugh.

So, again, I do what I do best, and I call in reinforcements. I know my limits, and they had been reached. Fortunately, I found someone who could tell the printer to expect different paper, and the he happily, abeit slowly, printed 50 copies of my spreadsheet. And I dutifully sat next to him in case there was another problem, and I need to hit the panic button.

I hope I do not have to use Color Printer for a good long time. If I do, maybe I will try to craft my spreadsheet using my multitude of rainbow Sharpies. That would truly be unexpected ;-)

The Faceless Santa

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I witness weird stuff around my condo complex. I suppose many people do while living in close quarters with their neighbors.

First off, I am absolutely sure my neighbor spies on Dan and me and all of our condo guests. She likes to watch us pull up in the parking lot in front of our condo building and then run out into the hallway where she can “bump” into us. And then proceed to over share details about her life. Sometimes I call Dan and try to convince him to open our window, so I can climb through rather than go through the lobby and engage in a “chance” meeting. Usually he refuses. And, this plan backfires when I see said neighbor and she tells me she sees me climb in my condo through the window. Okay, I suppose I am not that smooth.

I have seen all sorts of people sleeping in the lobby on the bench. Just sleeping. In the middle of the lobby/mail room. On a super gross old nasty bench.

And people love to leave random stuff in the hallway or next to the trash shoot rather that put the trash down the shoot or perhaps in the many available dumpsters outside. Dan and I live directly next to this trash shoot, which is quite loud. When people actually decide to throw their things away instead of line them up in the hallway, it sounds like someone is attempting to toss his/her collection of 20 pound bowling balls and set of encyclopedias down the shoot. Seriously. Let’s all toss as many heavy objects down the shoot around midnight or perhaps around 4 a.m. We love that.

But, I suppose I am glad these loud trash shooters manage to throw out the garbage instead of leaving it for me at my door.

Yet a grand majority likes to leave their discards lying around the hallway, which is how I happened upon The Faceless Santa.

When I walked into the lobby/mail room, there he was, all 3.5 feet of Faceless Santa chilling out. He had no face. It seems as if someone got mad at Santa, perhaps for taunting him by showing up in April with no gifts, and punched his face in. Super creepy.

My neighbors love to do this. Instead of getting rid of something, they think, “hey, let’s leave it out to see if anyone wants it. A faceless Santa in April – who would not want that?”

Well I sure did not, and I scrambled out of there. That Santa was scary.

Safely inside my condo, I greeted my husband and Bentley, my in-laws dog who was visiting us for the day. Dan got very serious and asked me if I had come upon The Faceless Santa. I said, why yes in fact I did, in the lobby. Dan was surprised because he said this morning when he took Bentley outside, The Faceless Santa was standing just outside our condo door. He thought it was the crazy neighbor lying in wait to pounce on him. Given that I just saw The Faceless Santa in the lobby, he managed to lead himself blindly (remember, his face is punched in, so he cannot see) down the hall and into the lobby. The Faceless Santa gets around.

And he is still there, next to a fake plant, like he is on display. Ho ho ho. Merry April.

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RIP Rowenta

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Today is a very sad day.

I do not own many nice appliances, and until my wedding this past June, Dan and I did not own much of anything substantial with which to cook or sit on or eat with. Our fake silverware rusted.

So, when my Grandma Rosemary bought me a Rowenta steam iron for Christmas, my heart leaped with joy.

When I was in college, one of my roomies had a Rowenta, and I loved how he de-wrinkled my clothing so well. I am not even a very good ironer, but with the Rowenta, I did not need any ironing skills because he was just that good with steam.

Before my Grandma bought me my own Rowenta for Christmas, I had been using my Mom’s old Sunbeam iron that I previously used for random arts and crafts projects, which left a sticky film on the ironing plate that refused to come off. Also, it did not really steam but sort of squirted water droplets onto my shirts and then sizzled as I ironed. And, I am pretty sure it actually ironed wrinkles into my shirts.

But now I own a Rowenta, and I cherish it. It even has a retractable cord wheel.

So, imagine my upsettedness when Rowenta tumbled off of the ironing board and hit the carpet and made a sound like insides were breaking. After I let out a string of swear words, I tried to retract the cord, and it went back in, albeit a little shaky and making a weird noise. But, I figured, I would do what I do best and keep using something until it no longer works and then leave it in a place where my engineer husband can happen upon it and fix it. Duh.

This morning that day came. The entire bottom of my Rowenta DX1900 fell off revealing a spring contraption that seems to have busted completely. I thought about crying, but I needed to get to work, so I ironed my clothes anyway. This was tricky because I could not set the Rowenta down because the bottom had come off. So, I sort of hard to put my clothes on the iron board and iron without setting down Rowenta. That was hard work.

When I was done, I placed it on its side on a big stack of newspapers on the kitchen table. It looked super sad, lying there half-exposed with no bottom and its cord haphazardly snaking over the table and onto the chairs. But, I knew that my husband would be intrigued with fixing Rowenta because he is engineerical like that and likes to fix things.

So I went happily along my day until he G-chatted me and told me some bad news. Rowenta was not looking so good. Apparently, when he fell, the entire bottom contraption spring thing busted apart. And he could not fix it without new parts. And he could not find said parts on the Internets. And he did not think Rowenta would ever contract his cord again.

I almost cried in my cubicle.

But, I remembered breaking stuff has never stopped me before! I have broken tons of things! It is as if everything I touch ends up broken somehow. Ask my Dad why I cannot wear watches! Right after we got married, my Dad told Dan to only let me touch things made of wood (and also, no give backs)!

So, I am not stranger to breaking things and needing them repaired. I used my best Internets skills to hunt down possible replacement parts. I started with the Rowenta Web site, and I found an online form to submit questions. Eureka! I hastily typed out a dramatic message about what replacement part I needed and my love and devotion to Rowenta. I am sure they will respond.

I also found a helpful section about replacement parts, so it seems other people also break off half of their iron, too. I found a site that provides what I believe to be the correct replacement part, and now I am contacting them to hassle them about whether this part will truly fix the part of Rowenta that broke. Notice that the Rowenta just broke. He fell all on his own. My husband claims he does not have too much sympathy for me because I “did not take care of my things.”

Hrumph. We will see about that. In the meantime, I am off to search for products made of Oak.

Craft Queen Strikes Again

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What do you get when you cross glitter, stamps, and beads? The Martha Stewart Encyclopedia of Crafts, of course!

Say what you will about the Craft Queen, but you have to hand it to her. When I saw her book previewed on one of my many craft blogs, I pre-ordered it from Amazon and got excited about new crafting endeavors.

Her book does not disappoint, to me. I have read some reviews that complain about the lack of seasonal crafts and others who did not find it as encompassing enough for them (most desired sections on knitting, crocheting, etc?). Personally, I found it delightfully overwhelming, just like Martha.

One of my favorite parts of the book is the glossary in the back that provides pictures and explanations of an assortment of crafting tools. If you have ever wondered in the Martha Crafts section of Michael’s, then you understand the complete sense of powerlessness that is the Martha scrapbooking supplies that makes you just want to carelessly grab at stickers and tools and paper, toss them in your basket and run home to figure out just what the heck you bought. Well, perhaps consulting the glossary will help narrow down the vast assortment of crafting goodies.

From my own personal experience, I find the following items the most useful for a relatively new crafter:


Crafter edger: I have one edger that makes a lace pattern, and I adore it. I used it for some paper crafts I made for my wedding, and I used it to edge photos of my wedding and honeymoon for my scrapbook. It has to be the easiest crafting tool I have ever found, and it makes a great statement without hassle. Since I cannot cut straight, I like the edger because it takes out the guess work of embellishing the edges of photos. And it looks really special, but I hardly did anything at all to achieve the look :-)

Craft paper: Again, I used the Martha paper for my wedding, and the sheer variety and styles make it exceptional. It is great quality and versatile, so I have used it a lot. Sometimes I use the entire page as a background, or I cut out pieces of the paper and adhere it to other backgrounds for a layered look.

Stamps and stamp pads: Confession. I did not really know how to work these stamp pads when I purchased them. I was in the aforementioned dangerous Martha aisle when I became transfixed with her stamps.

So I bought the large stamp base and the lettered stamps, and they ended up being a super great investment. I cannot write well or write straight, so I use the stamps to spell out words. I also have stamps of different images and also a set with different patterns.

On the side are some pages I made with my favorite Martha crafty tools.

So, the next time you find yourself struck like a deer in headlines in the Martha aisle, fear not and just purchase one of those recommended items with your 40% off coupon and craft on.

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