Several of my friends are getting married this year, and if I have one piece of advice, it is this: separate bathrooms.
His bathroom. Her bathroom. Never the two shall meet.
I just do not share bathrooms. Do. Not. Share. When we first moved in together, we were fortunate enough that our condo unit had two bathrooms. And I will never forget being in Target with Dan and him suggesting we only needed to pick out one set of bathroom accessories because “we probably will not even touch that other bathroom.”
Ha. Ha ha. HAHAHAHAHAHYAHAHA!
Well, no worries, I fixed his wagon. Of course we needed two sets of bathroom stuff, unless he wanted to claim the un-accessorized bathroom as his. Because, need I remind him, one of my 10 Commandments is Thou Shalt Not Share Bathrooms.
So when we moved into our first home this past July, I knew I could live there because the place had two nice full bathrooms. Two full bathrooms were pretty much my only criteria for said new house. That, and walls to keep out the elements. You can see I have priorities.
My desire for separate bathrooms stems from a couple of very logical and important reasons. One, the bathrooms are just too small and ill-equipped for two people. Now, to be fair, it is not that Dan has a lot of stuff but rather someone (a.k.a. Dan) would argue I have too much stuff. My hair accoutrements alone basically need their own zip code. Hair dryer, hot rollers, CHI, curling iron, mouse, hair spray, variety of brushes. Not to mention my tackle-box looking makeup carrier, lotions, sprays, creams, hair clips, head bands, two types of bathrobes, etc… Try squeezing all that plus Dan’s stuff into a tiny bathroom built in 1958 when apparently people did not spend much time fixing their hair as to need space for multiple appliances.
Second, I just like my own space. I do not want to be hurried along as I get ready. I need my bathroom “me time” to go about my showering, drying, hair-doing process. I just will not be ushered along just so someone (a.k.a. Dan – who said he is thinking of changing his name to “someone,” as in “someone needs to take out the trash/reach up high on this shelf/make dinner) can use the bathroom.
And third…well, I do not really have a third. Just that thirdly, it makes sense to maintain one’s own space if at all possible. For the good of you and your marriage.
So Dan knows this about me (one of my most charming characteristics, to be sure), but I think he is trying to woo me as a bathroom sharer because it is part of his five-year-plan to remodel our house. He has a pretty good idea of how he would bump out the back of our house to put a master bathroom in our master bedroom (it currently does not feature a master bathroom) as well as extend the living areas of some other parts of our house. But, mainly, he would like to create a more master bedroom feel in our otherwise un-masterly bedroom.
So he broached me cautiously about what it could be like to share a bathroom. And of course I was all heck no, do you even know who I am? I am She Who Wishes To Maintain Separate Bathrooms For Life. I am pretty sure I worked that into our marriage contract (which is an imaginary document in my head that I edit from time to time).
But then he started to entice me with words like “vanity with multiple electric plugs for your hair gadgets” and “separate sinks” and “human carwash shower.”
Hmmm…perhaps this could work, under certain circumstances. Like I not only need my own sink and vanity, but I need my own side. Separate sides. And of course I need some sort of walk in closet that contains only my clothes.
So I told him, I might be persuaded to change, under the right conditions, of course. But in the meantime, I am strictly a no bathroom sharing person. And trust me, newlyweds, it is a good piece of wisdom. If you are so fortunate to have two bathrooms, never share. Have your own space for the good of your marriage. It is cheaper than therapy, to be sure.