This coming weekend Dan is co-hosting a bachelor party for our friend, Jon, who is getting married in two weeks. While Dan has an excellent weekend planned full of beer drinking and manly stuff, I am trying to persuade him that I have a much better idea for the bachelor party. Sort of like an alternative bachelor party. A little something I would like to call Marriage Training.
So, instead of the beer and manly activities party, I think a much better alterative would feature the friend’s wife (that would be me) instructing the soon-to-be husband and his cohorts on all things matrimony.
To start things off in the morning, all of the boys would come over to my house for a debriefing. You see, I use the weekend breakfast table to lay out the Weekend Plan of Attack with Dan. Similarly, I would go over all the activities that need to be accomplished this weekend, especially with the imminent arrival of the baby.
For example, I need a couple more things assembled. The boys need to tackle putting together a Pack N’ Play, bouncy seat, and swing. Also, I have two types of car seats, and I need those both installed in the cars.
And after that, I am ready to launch my Laundry Room Redo project. So, they need to haul out the washer, dryer, and utility sink, lay down the flooring of my choice, repair the drywall, paint, and put back the washer, dryer, and install a new utility sink. Also, they need to hang some sort of shelving system and wire so I can hang the clothes to dry.
Phew, by this time, it is probably getting close to lunch. I get hungry coordinating all these activities. So, I would like them to make me a grilled cheese. Oh, and pour me a diet Sprite. What? No diet Sprite? It’s okay, I will wait here while one of you runs to the store to get it. And the rest of you can sit at the table with me, so we can talk about my feelings and whatever else I want to talk about.
Okay, so now I need half of them to finish up the laundry room project, one to mow the lawn, one to weed, and the rest to help me fold and hang the cute baby clothes. Extra points for talking up just how deliciously adorable all her little clothes are going to look on her.
Now, I need some men to research what items need to go in the hospital bag and help me gather such items. And it would probably be good if we made a test trip to the hospital.
So now I am getting hungry for dinner. I will come up with something that sounds good, and you all can make it for me. And after dinner I really am going to need a backrub because today was a lot of work.
Clearly, helping out with this alternative bachelor party will be hard work for me, but I really think it will much more useful and instructive than beer pong. I mean, the boys are already good at that stuff (I know because I knew them back in our college days). But what they could really use some schooling on is how to be a husband. They are all awesome boys with much potential, so it would be an honor to teach them the ways of Marital Bliss. Their future wives will thank me.