“need a backrub” blog: I am not sure who has a blog about backrubs, but if someone did, I would love to be a guest writer because I love backrubs. Love them so much. When I was pregnant, I demanded backrubs every single night. And I got away with it because I always used the same old “but I’m pregnant and carrying your child 24 hours a day” whine. This totally worked. Now, I am not so lucky. If I want a backrub, I need to use the “but I birthed your child after 26 hours of labor” whine. Note: this does not usually work.
cake mishaps: Yes, even an esteemed baker such as myself also falls victim to cake mishaps. I think my worst misadventure was the four-layered chocolate cake I attempted to make for Christmas dessert two years ago. I felt like a total baking failure that day and many tears were shed. But the good news is that cake tastes awesome no matter what it looks like.
Can I get hookworms from dog sleeping with me: Goodness gracious, I hope not because my sweetie pie, Belle, had hookworms, and after I gave her the de-hookworming medication, I let her sleep with me. Pretty much because she is super duper spoiled and there is just no way I can keep her off of the bed. But, no worries, I did not get hookworm from her, so you are probably safe. I asked the vet if it was possible for Belle to transmit the hookworm to me (I was extra nervous because I was pregnant at the time), and she said only if I ate Belle’s poop. Well, I was not planning on that. So, just do not eat your dog’s fecal matter, and you should be okay.
Can you eat crunchy rice: Yes! In fact, I served it to my poor friend, Marie, and I made her eat it. Why? Because apparently I cannot cook rice. Or I just cannot read the directions. Either way, she ate it, and she is still alive and still my friend, so crunch away!
Crunchy rice help: Here is my advice – read the directions. That seems to help.
Flannel jeans in heat: Ugh, I do not recommend you where flannel jeans ever, much less in the heat. Wait, is this my Grandma? I told you, no one wants flannel-lined jeans for Christmas. No one.
Four centimeters dilated and 75 percent effaced: This means you still have a ways to go. If you are like me, you still have about 12 hours to go at the four centimeters mark. Hit someone up for an epidural and try to get some rest because the real work is yet to come!
Grandma wearing runners and jeans image: I have no idea what this means. A grandma wearing jeans while running? Are the jeans flannel-lined? Grandma, is this you again? I told you, there are just no good uses for flannel-lined jeans in our family as no one performs hard labor outside in the dead of winter or moonlights as a lumber jack. Just step away from the jeans.
Morning sickness worse at work: Yes! That was the absolute worst. So bad, I thought it had to be illegal. I had to close my eyes and half sleep at my desk just to get a minor break from the constant nausea. Staring at a computer screen definitely does not help. I suggest you get yourself to the bathroom and camp out on the floor of the stall. Yes, it is degrading, but at least you can snooze without anyone seeing you drool all over your desk. Good luck to you. Morning sickness will go away just as fast as it came, but sadly, the suckiness of work remains until your sweet baby comes and you can say adios to cubicles.
And so ends another round of Fun with Keywords. Keep on keyword searching and landing on my blog because this stuff is just too funny.