As I documented my Week in the Life this year, one thought kept flooding my mind.
My life is boring.
Being a (mostly) stay-at-home-mom is a struggle for me, and it’s one I’ve shared before. I find motherhood both overstimulating and understimulating. The constant noise and cleaning up and daily grind stuff keeps my mind whirring while it also feels unfullfilling.
I’m not a homemaker. Meal planning and keeping a spotless house aren’t things I am passionate about. I’d much rather spend my time writing or teaching a high intensity step class than mopping my floors.
But at this stage in my life, my role as a mother/household CEO takes up the largest percentage of my time. I grow tired of playing puzzles and cleaning out sippy cups. Find myself sighing after reading Brown Bear, Brown Bear for the third time that afternoon. Loneliness prevades many of my weeks when I don’t get time to see girlfriends or spend alone time with Dan. Groan as Kate whines HOLD YOU and clings to my legs as I try to follow a recipe I planned to make for dinner but realize I’m missing two key ingredients.
In my role as (mostly) stay-at-home-mom, I’m working harder than I ever did at an office job. I’m up earlier than Kate to train and teach group fitness classes, spend the morning working on posts and answering email while also making several different breakfasts for a picky-eating toddler and cueing up The Fresh Beat Band episodes, running errands and taking trips to the park while writing notes to myself about potential pitches, make lunches and snacks and prevents tantrums while responding to comments and tweets, working on projects while pretending to eat plastic food from Kate’s play kitchen.
I am always wanting to write more articles, draft more posts, take more pictures, develop new creative endeavors. But most of my days are about pure survival.
It’s grueling. Isolating. Sad. Absolutely wearing on me mentally and emotionally.
While we do do fun things like take trips to Frying Pan Farm Park and paint with pudding and make a mess dying Easter Eggs, I can’t make everyday Pinterest-worthy or blog-worthy or tweet-worthy. Sometimes my daily life is just plain boring.
Boring is not something I do well. I crave as much intellectual and creative stimulation as possible. And when faced with a week of nothing but errands and tantrums, well, that’s crushing to my go-getter spirit.
This challenge I’m facing – this balance between the mundane-ness that comes with everyday motherhood and this desire to and yearning for more in my life – is the crux behind why I made radical acceptance my theme this month. Radical acceptance has become my mantra when I want to tumble into the worthlessness abyss and let myself decide my life is never going anywhere and instead live in the present moment and let myself feel my frustration in this moment without going any further.
I accept that I feel some moments of my days are boring and feel unfulfilling. I accept my frustrated thoughts. I accept my mood just as it is. I accept the present moment, this week in the life, so I can move forward to the next moment and the possibility of something a little sunnier.