Today I’m on my way to BlogHer’12.  It’s my first BlogHer.  I attended Blissdom this past February, and, as I admitted, I struggled to connect and felt alone much of the time.

Even though I wrestled my way through feelings of loneliness at Blissdom, I came home from that conference, sat down at my computer, and ordered a BlogHer ticket.

Why?

The first time I do things is always the hardest.  The first time I taught a BodyStep class, the first time I had a child, the first year of marriage, the first time I wrote a big check.  First is the hardest.  I don’t know what to expect, I go into situations thinking one thing and realizing what I thought isn’t at all the reality.

So I figured I’d give blogging conferences another chance.  Now I have a better idea of what might (or might not) happen.  And I know I won’t die if I have to sit alone.  It might not feel good.  But I can do it.

Blogging conferences are funny things because you know people but you don’t really know people.  Or someone might know you but you don’t know them.  Or, in my case, you know people but they don’t know you.

That can get weird.  And awkward.

But I’m embracing it.  Because I’m boarding an Acela train and making my way there.  I can choose to have a tough time.  Or I can choose to feel flustered.  Or I can choose to enjoy, take this time for myself, and accept.

(To follow along this weekend, I will post updates on Twitter and Instagram.  And if you’re going to BlogHer, tweet me, and let’s meet up.  If not, I’ll fill you in when I return on the swag, the Martha/Katie talks, and what I learned.)