#Reverb16 // January // On Change

January 18, 2016 Connection, Uncategorized 0

friday-may-2-2014

Kim and I had so much fun with #reverb15, and since we had so many people ask about it/want to participate, so we decided to send out monthly prompts. At the beginning of each month, we will send out a prompt for that month. You can sign up here. Think on it, reflect on it, write on it when you feel like it. And then please share! You can leave me a comment here, on Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook page. Thanks for sharing!

Prompt for January 2016: Change. A lot of people use January as a jumping off point to implement changes in their lives. How do you implement change? Slowly? Cold turkey? Incrementally with a plan?

I don’t love it when Dan travels on business. But it’s the best time for me to make changes in the house that I know he won’t agree with.

When we lived at our old house, I wanted to move around the furniture layout in our family room. Dan did not want to rearrange the furniture. Before the wheels of his plane left the ground at Dulles, I was on the phone to my sister asking her to come over and help me move this couch.

When Dan came home, the couch was moved. And peace reigned.

(Okay. So he didn’t like it initially, but mostly because Dan doesn’t like change. Meanwhile I LOVE change. I like to change all the things, all the time. Dan does not particularly love this trait, but he does acknowledge I have a lot of good ideas.)

This is how I do change. Right now.

Now, it’s not without thought. I can over analyze with the best of them! Right now I’ve got several children’s calendars in my cart on Amazon while I research which one Kate would like the best. I like to do my research.

But once I decide on what needs to be done, by God, I’m doing it.

However, I realized recently, it’s been a while since I really felt like myself. That an important personality trait seemed to be missing. And then I realized that since becoming a mother, my confidence began to chip. Little by little and sometimes large chunk by large chunk, I lost confidence that I could do stuff, that I could make changes.

I couldn’t figure out what changed. And then I realized: I got scared.

I decided I was just a mom. That I was too weak to take on any big goals. Too dumb after listening to countless hours of ABC and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Too worthless to achieve any big dreams. Too scared.

As with most things, one needs to hit the bottom before one can start to make positive change. I took one tentative step there, another here, another there. Making one small change after another after another after another.

And now? It takes a lot to scare me. I can coach a toddler on the potty while nursing a baby and helping my kindergartner spell out words. I’m a mom of three. I catch vomit with my two hands. The ground shifts underneath me daily. There’s no time for scared.

I chose “big” as my word for 2016. So I’m back to thinking big and going with those big changes. I’m making plans for a new career, working on some new projects, and most definitely still moving around furniture when Dan’s out of town.