While being a mindful parent is challenging, being mindful in marriage can be equally challenging. I find since I’m so comfortable in my relationship (I’m not trying to impress Dan or make him like me!), I can spew words out of my mouth I don’t mean or check my phone while he’s talking to me. Not okay.
A big part of mindfulness for me is paying attention to the present moment so I can be attuned to the people in front of me, instead of every passing thought. It’s easy to get caught up in my own thoughts and tune out my family, Dan included. It’s even harder to be mindful in marriage when our marriage competes with our three small children. And since they are loud, demanding, and in our face, it’s difficult to hear ourselves, much less each other.
When I get frustrated and angry about whatever it is, be it something work related or personal or what have you, and the last thing I want to do is be mindful, it helps me to pull back and remember: we’re on the same side.
Dan wants me to be happy and successful. And I want the same for him. We both want a happy family. When I take a moment to stay in the present, I can remind myself that we both want the same thing. I can hear him and see how even if we’re not picking the same words, we’re both usually saying the same thing. And if we’re not saying the same thing, we are often using different methods to arrive at the same conclusion. Staying in the present moment helps calm my mind and see that things aren’t as big and horrible as they seem.
How do you stay mindful in your relationships? What works for you?